From a Christian in Therapy

I hear about it all the time. "Therapy isn't the answer;" "Find a Christian counselor;" "Read the Bible;" "Have you prayed about it?"

I'm sorry, but please shut up. I'm a Christian, and I pray and read the Bible and listen to worship music. But that doesn't get at the underlying issues. I wholeheartedly believe that God wants us to find the root of our issues and learn how to heal from and overcome our life difficulties, which is the purpose of therapy.

Don't tell me that the answer isn't in therapy, because it is for many of us. When I meet with my therapist, I learn about myself. I learn why I have the insecurities that I have, why I shut down or dissociate when I feel like I have no voice, and how to better work through future stressors.

Therapy improves my relationships, including my relationship with God. I wouldn't know how to pray for myself if I didn't know whatis really going on with me. It allows me to pray for specifics. It has also made my relationship with my fiancé better because I am learning how to tell him what's going on with me, to help him understand what I'm feeling, to have patience when we disagree, and to work on our communication as a whole. It has taught me to open up more, to let friends in, and even to ask for help when I need it.

I have Bipolar type 2, PTSD, and an eating disorder.

Believe it or not, I can't just read a couple chapters in the Bible and suddenly be healed. Sure I can listen to worship music for a couple hours to help me feel less stressed about an exam or help me calm down when I'm worried about an upcoming event. But it won't heal all the pain I have and make all the abuse and neglect I sufered through as a child and adolescent just vanish from my memory.

When your friend is diagnsed with cancer, would you tell them that chemo isn't the answer, that they should talk to a pastor instead of an oncologist?

NO.

You would most likely pray for them, but you would also agree that the doctors know how to treat the disease.

So why do we treat mental illness as something other than what it actually is, a DISEASE? Is it because people just don't understand, or because they think it's a choice, or because they don't know how to respond, or do they believe that it's always and only a spiritual thing?

Sometimes, there could be a spiritual element to it, but when praying all day doesn't make it go away, it means that there's a physical element to it.

And let me make one thing very clear: It is NEVER a choice. It was not my choice to have a mother who is controlling, physically and verbally abusive, and just plain angry. It was not my choice to have a father who avoided our family as much as possible, choosing work over us. It was not my choice as a child, to learn that the only way to cope was to disguise my sadness as anger, and dissociate when it all became too overwhelming. It is not my choice to be haunted by memories of my past. It is not my choice to have depression and mania, or to see food as aversive, despite the fact that I know that I need to eat.

Each day, I get a little better. I have to fight, and it's not easy when it feels like the rest of the world thinks it's a made up battle. It's not easy when the battle is within, where you can never escape from. I am sick, no matter how you look at it. I have flashbacks most weeks, feel on edge as I walk down the street, and cry some days because I don't know what else to do. Some weeks, I have to fight just to get out of bed, and even more so to stay out of bed until night. I have to force myself, against my will, to go to class. Sometimes, I even struggle to shower or brush my teeth. The thing that has helped me be able to do these things when I don't think I can? Therapy. I have grown leaps and bounds in my ability to cope with life, thanks to therapy. I work very hard, with the help of one other person, to gain insight, build new connections, and grow. That's what it means to be in therapy, to grow.

If you don't know how to respond, ask people with mental disorders what they would like from you, or how you can help. Don't give advice if they don't ask for it. Ask them if they're ready to get help, and then ask them what kind of help they believe they need. Some people may want to talk to a Christian counselor, some may want to get medication from a psychiatrist, and others may want to see a therapist. Whatever they believe they need is okay because they know best what they need. I don't think there's anything wrong with seeing a Christian counselor, but what needs to be understood is that it isn't for everyone who's Christian.