So I'm in this women's studies class, and I really just cannot stand it. The whole class is about feminism, and I knew I wasn't a feminist before the class, but wow! I really couldn't believe just how incredibly unBiblical the whole feminist belief is. Actually, there are aspects that are absolutely Biblical causes, but they are taken in a completely God-less, nonscriptural manner.
The feminist thought is that women are all beautiful in their natural state, no make-up, no bra, etc. Also, feminism says that sexism has put these restraints on women, that sexism is to blame for the low self-esteem women have and the unrealistic expectations for their body to look a certain way. They say that women need to band together in sisterhood to overcome these sexist thoughts.
But that's not the case. Sexism is not the problem. Sin is the problem. Every girl wants to look like someone else because they don't feel beautiful enough. But this wasn't created by sexism. It was created by pride, by lust, by discontentment. Women should feel beautiful just the way they are. But that should not be decided by other women. Yes women should build each other up instead of tearing each other down, but that should not be the basis for self-worth.
We were made in God's image! He made us to be beautiful!
Did you know that everyone is beautiful just the way they are? Or that the only times the word "ugly" is used in the Bible is to describe the seven skinny cows in Pharaoh's dream?
And when God made man and woman, He said that it was good! He made us in His image, and He was very pleased with it. God does not create rubbish. He only creates the finest jewels.
Our identity should be found in Him, and in Him alone. He created you to be the very best you, and no one else could possibly be a more beautiful you. He made you to look just the way you do, and there is nothing wrong with you.
You are worthy of the love of a good man, a man who deserves a jewel like you. No matter what anyone has told you, your body is perfect. You are beautiful inside and out. You do not need to change for anyone because if they don't love you where you're at or they choose to tear you down instead of building you up, then they don't belong in your life.
Find people who want to build you up and want you to love yourself as much as they love you. Be healed in God's love, and let others love you. You are worthy.
You do not need to take up anorexia or bulimia. You do not need to weigh less than you do. You are not fat. You are beautiful in the Father's eyes, and there will be men who find you attractive just as you are, and other girls who would love to look like you. Beauty is inside of you. All you have to do is believe that it's there, and trust that God (you know, the creator of the whole universe) knew what He was doing when he designed every detail of who you are, from the way you laugh, to your thighs, your stomache, your emotions, and your ability to learn to love yourself.
We all have regrets, whether we wish we hadn't done something or we feel that we missed out on something. And we have all been told that it isn't good to dwell on those regrets. But we do it anyways. Maybe not all the time, but we do dwell on our regrets at least short periods of time. And sometimes those regrets overcome us.
Is it possible, that it's actually good to dwell sometimes? I think so. It's good to look back and reflect, to think about what we would change if we could. If I could change anything I would go back to my freshman year of high school, work my butt off to be the best athlete I could be, and instead of just playing volleyball, I would have played softball too. I would've still been home schooled, but I would have continued to play sports at my original high school, and probably would have found a way to afford to play club volleyball in the off seasons. And just maybe, I would have gone straight to a university instead of spending two years at a community college. That's really my biggest regret. I feel like I missed out on something by not living on campus my freshman year, meeting a bunch of people. And yes, I could still live in dorms next year, but why would I want to do that as a junior?
But in all honesty, there are certain things in my life now that I would never trade for these experiences I missed out on. I would never in a million years trade meeting the man I'm going to marry for my athletic career. And honestly, that's all. I would probably give up everything else, good or bad, that has taken place because of the decisions I've made.
No, I'm not throwing a pity party. I am simply deciding not to ignore the fact that life follows choice. I chose not to play volleyball anymore, to not apply to any colleges because I thought college wasn't for me, to give up on dreams and on myself. I am recognizing that I caused my life to go the way it has. No, I don't hate my life. I may greatly dislike certain things about it, but there are other things that I love even more.
I love my boyfriend, and I really liked being a nanny, and I'm now attending one of the top psychology programs in America. I have good friends, and go to a church I really like, and I'll be getting married in about 1 year.
It's okay to dwell on our regrets, as long as we also meditate on the blessings we are thankful for. Sometimes we have to look at the crap first in order to fix our vision God. We have to learn to appreciate everything that he has given us because in the blink of an eye it could all be gone. It's good to remember where we started, and all the progress we have made since. It's essential to know where we have failed, and where we have succeeded. God has great plans for us, and sometimes, that's easier to understand when we look back and see all the things that have turned out for the better. He makes all things work together for our good (Romans 8:28).
Do I wish the last 3 or 4 years of my life had gone a little differently? Sure. But I would never trade it for where my life is heading.
For what do we know of love? Do we know its depths or its reasons? Do we know how it is that it lives inside of us? Why is it that love is so central to who we are as human beings?
Did you know that the Bible tells us that God is love? And that we could give all glory to God and sacrifice everything and still it mean nothing if not done out of love?
And what is the motive that drives each of us in our daily lives? Is it self-worth or pride? Is it actually love?
The answer should be love, but it seems that our own desires for self tend to take over what should be. We offer ourselves, but in return we expect others to do the same. We let a friend barrow our car or stay at our house for a night or two, expecting that they would thank us abundantly, or tell others about how amazing we are for doing this, or extend the same offers when we are in need. It is quite rare for most people that such an act is truly selfless, even if we may think that we are selfless in doing what we do.
We live in a fairly loveless society. Flowers sent to her work may be a loving gesture in and of itself, but the motive behind this could very well be self-seeking.
I love my boyfriend dearly, but I often find myself loving me over him. Often times, I may find myself in a situation where I could be upset with him or simply let it go or talk it over calmly without any accusations. Sometimes I will choose a mature, loving way to react to something, but much more often I find myself choosing to follow the choice that seems easiest at the moment. I get upset, raise my voice, give the evil eye, ignore, and eventually cry because I am so frustrated by the argument that has occured.
Did you know that hate is not the opposite of love, but rather the absence of love? From this understanding we can see that in the times we don't choose love we are choosing hate. How awful is that? When I decide to be selfish in my relationships I am hating others. I am acting in hate on these occasions. But why? I'm honestly no more worthy that those around me. If truly acting in love, I would put others ahead of myself.
Philippians 2:3 "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself."
1 Corinthians 13:5b "[Love] does not seek its own"
I'm sure most people would think that I am one of the most confident people they know; I mean, that's how I act a lot of the time. But I'll let you in on a secret: it's not entirely true. In fact, it's not really true at all. I actually care a great deal about what others think. And what's more, I don't trust people. I fear that most people will betray me or at the very least, simply stop caring about me at one point or another.
The biggest part of my secret? Even as a born again Christian, I can hardly walk into a church or really any church function without feeling like I am being judged by half the people there. I, like some friends of mine, have been scarred by the church many of us grew up in and others went to during their high school/college years. It has been almost 2 years since I have left that place, and since have only let one other person in, the man who is my boyfriend. Over the past several months he has been encouraging me to open up to others, and to start hanging out with girls more, and opening up to them. But I haven't been able to bring myself to do so.
DISCLAIMER: NOT all churches are like this. I am only speaking of my experience in one place. I have gathered with other members of the body of Christ where these things are not the norm.
Now I don't blame the church entirely for this; I know that as someone who is naturally more on the judgmental side of things (as most of the female population) I am more inclined to feeling judged. But it also cannot be denied that much of my experience in the church has taught me to be afraid of other Christians. I was told that I had to act a certain way if I wanted to be in ministry, so I did what I was told. I saw my friends pulled out of ministry because leadership in our church found out about their immorality. Now am I excusing immorality of church leaders? No. I am simply saying that no one is perfect, and if imperfection is cause for being removed from ministry, then no one belongs in ministry.
And I've never seen rumors spread like they did through this group of people. My brother changes my Facebook relationship status to "it's complicated", and suddenly half the congregation thought me and one specific guy are dating. I posted a status when I was having a bad day, and next thing you know, the head pastor decided he need to meet with me and a couple other people. Someone else, a leader in the church, who knew more about the situation stood in and explained to the pastor that it was all a big misunderstanding. Besides, it really wasn't any of his business to begin with.
And when a group of 4 or 5 girls had plans to spend the night at a church member's house-all with parental permission-such things were banned. We were suddenly not allowed to go to other people's houses without it being a church sanctioned event with official youth leadership in attendance. But why? There was nothing immoral or wrong happening. Once again, it was none of the pastor's business.
And the thing that may have scarred me the most...My personal boundaries being disregarded and invaded. There were certain things I wasn't comfortable talking about, but one youth leader pushed and pushed and simply wouldn't accept that I didn't want to talk about personal things with them. And eventually, they started telling me off...told me that I was a bad Christian, which made them stumble, said that I treated them like a piece of $#!? (and yes, they did actually say that word), told me that I hated them, and when they told me to say something, to tell them why I seemed to hate them so much, all I said was that I didn't like "this," referring to being spoken to this way, which had happened on multiple occasions in the past, they yelled at me for calling them weak, sarcastically apologized for their weakness and told me that God still uses weak people, then they just walked away. Then my two friends who had just watched the whole thing go down came over to me and went outside with me, then, for the first and ONLY time, I cried at church, full on bawling.
All that said, I refuse to let this push me away from Christ. Though no Christian is perfect, the God we worship is, and though people may hurt me, I know that my God never will.
And after finally seeing Disney's Frozen tonight, I have been inspired to confront my demons. I have forgiven much of what I went through in that community, but I haven't "let it go."
Tonight though, I am letting it all go. I am admitting that I have been hurt. I am going to allow myself to trust others again, to open myself up to people once more. To anyone who may have been offended by my hesitance to share anything about myself, I am sorry for shutting down. It may be baby steps from here, but I am determined not to shut people out anymore. I am ready to be healed through God's power and grace. I am ready to love better, and to let myself be loved by more people. Like Elsa, I have had a storm swirling inside of me. But now, also like Elsa, I am tearing down my walls. I have shut almost everyone out of my heart, locked myself away in my very own kingdom of isolation. "The fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all." I will choose love, I will choose to feel, and I will choose to once again truly live in community, not simply to be in a community.
Proverbs 10:12b "Love covers all sins."
2 Tim 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
How many things are really for life?
Hobbies? nah they get old
Sports? well one injury can end that
Careers? a lot of people switch those once or twice, and they eventually retire
Even friendships don't always last your whole life through. For one reason or another they come to an end, whether it's an abrupt ruin that results from a fight, or you simply lose contact over time. But you will spend the rest of your life missing that person, maybe not a lot and maybe not often, but every now and then you will find yourself wondering what happened to that person, or perhaps wonder if they ever think about you.
There is one thing that is supposed to be lifelong.
MARRIAGE.
People often go into this with "good intentions" but when things start to really get difficult they decide to give up, that it isn't worth fighting for. Really? Is all the love and sacrifice and effort you put into your relationship really something that you're ok with throwing away?
Because I am not. I never will be.
Sadly, though, it is more likely that someone will fight for a promotion at work, or for a coupon to be accepted past its expiration date, than that they would fight for their marriage.
What are you fighting for? Are you fighting to be right? to have your way? to make yourself happy? Or are you fighting for the most valuable relationship in your life? to make sure that your spouse knows they are the love of your life? to make your spouse happy?
You need to let go of your selfishness, learn to be selfless. You have to look beyond your own nose at some point. You can't keep holding onto your own ego, and look at the pain and hurt in the other person. When you're in a relationship it shouldn't be for yourself, but for the other person. your job is to make them happy and to look out for them above your own interests.
What is the role of a woman in marriage? Is she supposed to be a homemaker? Should she have a career? What's her influence on her husband? What does it mean to be submissive? What should her priority be-the home, a career, both?
Well let's take a look. First, there's Esther, a woman of strong will and GREAT humility. She did not believe herself to be the most beautiful of all the women she lived among, and certainly did not find herself to be worthy of being chosen as queen. But she was. She is a woman who ran her home well, organizing and instructing her maids. However, she was much more than a homemaker. She saved her people. She stood in the gap to save thousands of lives. And she did this through the influence she had on her husband. She was greatly admired, and he knew she was wise. Plus, the fact that he was madly in love with her didn't hurt. She had the power to change his mind. It's best stated in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants." Women, you have a HUGE influence on your husband. He admires you and you are his helpmate, which means that one of your biggest responsibilities is to help him make wise and well-informed decisions. Husbands value their wife's thoughts and opinions much more than women realize, but often it seems that they don't quite know how to seek this. So offer him your ideas, then leave it to him to make the final decision.
And what about Mary? Just try to imagine being a 14 year old virgin girl who's going to give birth to the son of God. Unmarried, pregnant, and in a land where that would give Joseph the right to stone her to death. She must be one of the single bravest women ever. Most 14 year old girls of today are worried about their make up and clothes, and would be scared to get sent to the principal's office or get suspended for misbehaving at school. I don't know a 14 year old who could handle the kind of pressure that Mary was under. Now did Mary have a career outside of the home? Not as far as we know. She must have been one fine wife and mother though, to follow her husband's instruction without question, and to trust God with her life and her future. God told Joseph to pack up and go on the run in the middle of the night, and when he told Mary, she submitted to his authority and followed his instructions. She had the courage to skip town for the sake of her family. She had the courage to be there when her son was crucified. And it's not as though she didn't know what was to happen that day. How many people do you know that would do that? And she again trusted that there was a purpose in His death, and that it would all work out for good to the glory of God.
Deborah was a prophet of the Lord, and served as judge of Israel, and not while she was single, but while she was the wife of Lapidoth. Both men and women came to her for judgment, seeking her wisdom. She commanded an army of ten thousand men. She was called by God to lead an entire nation of His people to victory over their enemy. She had told a man to follow God's instructions, but he was too scared and asked her to go with him; she had the courage to do what most wouldn't, and was also culturally taboo. She was a career woman who did as the Lord instructed her.
Do any of these women sound like the meek, fragile wives that we are so often told we should be? The church has so distorted the role of women and of wives, that our society has come to see single women as the only brave and triumphant women. But why is that? Where did the idea that women are only meant to be submissive, do the cooking and cleaning, and homeschool the kids come from? Has one verse really been taken so far out of context? In Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus he did not say for women to act weak, nor was he even describing the role of a wife. He was actually describing how a husband and wife are meant to relate to each other, speaking of the selflessness of love. In Ephesians Paul spends all of chapter 5 speaking on godly love, which should exist in every type of relationship in the church. "Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord," (v.22). "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her," (v.25). "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church," (v.28-29). As a psychology major, one big thing that I have learned is that while women seek to be loved, men seek to be respected. When Paul is telling the wives to submit to their husbands he is not saying for them to do every little thing they are told; he is telling them that they need to be respectful of their husbands and not demeaning. To submit means: to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another, or to give over or yield to the power or authority of another. It does not mean to stop thinking for yourself or to keep all thoughts on decisions to yourself. Are husbands ultimately the authority, and are his final decisions to be followed? Absolutely. But remember that husbands are also to be loving towards their wives, which means that they are to first seek their wife's thoughts or opinions on matters before he makes a decision. A marriage is a two way street, a relationship that requires that both people "in humility each esteem [the] other as better than himself," (Philippians 2:3b) and to remember that the other person is your partner, not your employee and not your employer.
Have you ever taken a trip? The answer is most likely yes. There are some you look back on with fondness and others that you wish had never happened.
But what about life's journey? Have you ever stopped to think about whether the life you're living is one you will look back on one day and be proud of?
Really though, think about it. Chances are that there are many things that you wish you could change...but we can't change the past. All we can do is use what we have learned from the past to make better choices in the future.
Or would you rather be one your death bed one day wishing you had done things differently? You never hear anyone say they wish they had worked more or traveled less, so spend more time with family and even with friends too, and go see the world while you still come. If you are still young, unmarried, not responsible for anyone else then you need to get your butt off of the computer and go see the world.
Now don't be stupid and drop out of school just so you can go have some adventures. You have breaks. So go spend new years eve in time square. Camp out on the streets with a bunch of friends the night before a parade or some other big event. Spend your spring break at the beach. Go to Europe for a semester to study abroad, and visit all the countries you can while you're there.
And when you fall in love, get married. Don't wait five and ten years and be in your late twenties or even your thirties when you finally decide to tie the knot. And love them with all of your being. Don't hold back. Make sure that they never go a day without knowing that you love them.
And just because you're married doesn't mean that you have to start popping out babies immediately. Give it a year or two so that you can just enjoy each other a enjoy married life.
Then, when you're ready, start a family. And don't just be around. Be fully in the lives of every one of your children from day one. Be present. Be involved. Don't smother them to resentment, but love them as much as u can. Spend time with your spouse and kids whenever you have the chance. Give up that job promotion if you can afford to, because your job will NEVER be as important as your family.
Your life is a legacy. It is a journey that you travel every day. It is a series of choices and the results of the choices made. So be careful what you choose because your life, your legacy, and your journey all depend on it.
