How many things are really for life?
Hobbies? nah they get old
Sports? well one injury can end that
Careers? a lot of people switch those once or twice, and they eventually retire
Even friendships don't always last your whole life through. For one reason or another they come to an end, whether it's an abrupt ruin that results from a fight, or you simply lose contact over time. But you will spend the rest of your life missing that person, maybe not a lot and maybe not often, but every now and then you will find yourself wondering what happened to that person, or perhaps wonder if they ever think about you.
There is one thing that is supposed to be lifelong.
MARRIAGE.
People often go into this with "good intentions" but when things start to really get difficult they decide to give up, that it isn't worth fighting for. Really? Is all the love and sacrifice and effort you put into your relationship really something that you're ok with throwing away?
Because I am not. I never will be.
Sadly, though, it is more likely that someone will fight for a promotion at work, or for a coupon to be accepted past its expiration date, than that they would fight for their marriage.
What are you fighting for? Are you fighting to be right? to have your way? to make yourself happy? Or are you fighting for the most valuable relationship in your life? to make sure that your spouse knows they are the love of your life? to make your spouse happy?
You need to let go of your selfishness, learn to be selfless. You have to look beyond your own nose at some point. You can't keep holding onto your own ego, and look at the pain and hurt in the other person. When you're in a relationship it shouldn't be for yourself, but for the other person. your job is to make them happy and to look out for them above your own interests.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Life as a Wife
What is the role of a woman in marriage? Is she supposed to be a homemaker? Should she have a career? What's her influence on her husband? What does it mean to be submissive? What should her priority be-the home, a career, both?
Well let's take a look. First, there's Esther, a woman of strong will and GREAT humility. She did not believe herself to be the most beautiful of all the women she lived among, and certainly did not find herself to be worthy of being chosen as queen. But she was. She is a woman who ran her home well, organizing and instructing her maids. However, she was much more than a homemaker. She saved her people. She stood in the gap to save thousands of lives. And she did this through the influence she had on her husband. She was greatly admired, and he knew she was wise. Plus, the fact that he was madly in love with her didn't hurt. She had the power to change his mind. It's best stated in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants." Women, you have a HUGE influence on your husband. He admires you and you are his helpmate, which means that one of your biggest responsibilities is to help him make wise and well-informed decisions. Husbands value their wife's thoughts and opinions much more than women realize, but often it seems that they don't quite know how to seek this. So offer him your ideas, then leave it to him to make the final decision.
And what about Mary? Just try to imagine being a 14 year old virgin girl who's going to give birth to the son of God. Unmarried, pregnant, and in a land where that would give Joseph the right to stone her to death. She must be one of the single bravest women ever. Most 14 year old girls of today are worried about their make up and clothes, and would be scared to get sent to the principal's office or get suspended for misbehaving at school. I don't know a 14 year old who could handle the kind of pressure that Mary was under. Now did Mary have a career outside of the home? Not as far as we know. She must have been one fine wife and mother though, to follow her husband's instruction without question, and to trust God with her life and her future. God told Joseph to pack up and go on the run in the middle of the night, and when he told Mary, she submitted to his authority and followed his instructions. She had the courage to skip town for the sake of her family. She had the courage to be there when her son was crucified. And it's not as though she didn't know what was to happen that day. How many people do you know that would do that? And she again trusted that there was a purpose in His death, and that it would all work out for good to the glory of God.
Deborah was a prophet of the Lord, and served as judge of Israel, and not while she was single, but while she was the wife of Lapidoth. Both men and women came to her for judgment, seeking her wisdom. She commanded an army of ten thousand men. She was called by God to lead an entire nation of His people to victory over their enemy. She had told a man to follow God's instructions, but he was too scared and asked her to go with him; she had the courage to do what most wouldn't, and was also culturally taboo. She was a career woman who did as the Lord instructed her.
Do any of these women sound like the meek, fragile wives that we are so often told we should be? The church has so distorted the role of women and of wives, that our society has come to see single women as the only brave and triumphant women. But why is that? Where did the idea that women are only meant to be submissive, do the cooking and cleaning, and homeschool the kids come from? Has one verse really been taken so far out of context? In Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus he did not say for women to act weak, nor was he even describing the role of a wife. He was actually describing how a husband and wife are meant to relate to each other, speaking of the selflessness of love. In Ephesians Paul spends all of chapter 5 speaking on godly love, which should exist in every type of relationship in the church. "Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord," (v.22). "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her," (v.25). "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church," (v.28-29). As a psychology major, one big thing that I have learned is that while women seek to be loved, men seek to be respected. When Paul is telling the wives to submit to their husbands he is not saying for them to do every little thing they are told; he is telling them that they need to be respectful of their husbands and not demeaning. To submit means: to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another, or to give over or yield to the power or authority of another. It does not mean to stop thinking for yourself or to keep all thoughts on decisions to yourself. Are husbands ultimately the authority, and are his final decisions to be followed? Absolutely. But remember that husbands are also to be loving towards their wives, which means that they are to first seek their wife's thoughts or opinions on matters before he makes a decision. A marriage is a two way street, a relationship that requires that both people "in humility each esteem [the] other as better than himself," (Philippians 2:3b) and to remember that the other person is your partner, not your employee and not your employer.
Well let's take a look. First, there's Esther, a woman of strong will and GREAT humility. She did not believe herself to be the most beautiful of all the women she lived among, and certainly did not find herself to be worthy of being chosen as queen. But she was. She is a woman who ran her home well, organizing and instructing her maids. However, she was much more than a homemaker. She saved her people. She stood in the gap to save thousands of lives. And she did this through the influence she had on her husband. She was greatly admired, and he knew she was wise. Plus, the fact that he was madly in love with her didn't hurt. She had the power to change his mind. It's best stated in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants." Women, you have a HUGE influence on your husband. He admires you and you are his helpmate, which means that one of your biggest responsibilities is to help him make wise and well-informed decisions. Husbands value their wife's thoughts and opinions much more than women realize, but often it seems that they don't quite know how to seek this. So offer him your ideas, then leave it to him to make the final decision.
And what about Mary? Just try to imagine being a 14 year old virgin girl who's going to give birth to the son of God. Unmarried, pregnant, and in a land where that would give Joseph the right to stone her to death. She must be one of the single bravest women ever. Most 14 year old girls of today are worried about their make up and clothes, and would be scared to get sent to the principal's office or get suspended for misbehaving at school. I don't know a 14 year old who could handle the kind of pressure that Mary was under. Now did Mary have a career outside of the home? Not as far as we know. She must have been one fine wife and mother though, to follow her husband's instruction without question, and to trust God with her life and her future. God told Joseph to pack up and go on the run in the middle of the night, and when he told Mary, she submitted to his authority and followed his instructions. She had the courage to skip town for the sake of her family. She had the courage to be there when her son was crucified. And it's not as though she didn't know what was to happen that day. How many people do you know that would do that? And she again trusted that there was a purpose in His death, and that it would all work out for good to the glory of God.
Deborah was a prophet of the Lord, and served as judge of Israel, and not while she was single, but while she was the wife of Lapidoth. Both men and women came to her for judgment, seeking her wisdom. She commanded an army of ten thousand men. She was called by God to lead an entire nation of His people to victory over their enemy. She had told a man to follow God's instructions, but he was too scared and asked her to go with him; she had the courage to do what most wouldn't, and was also culturally taboo. She was a career woman who did as the Lord instructed her.
Do any of these women sound like the meek, fragile wives that we are so often told we should be? The church has so distorted the role of women and of wives, that our society has come to see single women as the only brave and triumphant women. But why is that? Where did the idea that women are only meant to be submissive, do the cooking and cleaning, and homeschool the kids come from? Has one verse really been taken so far out of context? In Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus he did not say for women to act weak, nor was he even describing the role of a wife. He was actually describing how a husband and wife are meant to relate to each other, speaking of the selflessness of love. In Ephesians Paul spends all of chapter 5 speaking on godly love, which should exist in every type of relationship in the church. "Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord," (v.22). "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her," (v.25). "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church," (v.28-29). As a psychology major, one big thing that I have learned is that while women seek to be loved, men seek to be respected. When Paul is telling the wives to submit to their husbands he is not saying for them to do every little thing they are told; he is telling them that they need to be respectful of their husbands and not demeaning. To submit means: to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another, or to give over or yield to the power or authority of another. It does not mean to stop thinking for yourself or to keep all thoughts on decisions to yourself. Are husbands ultimately the authority, and are his final decisions to be followed? Absolutely. But remember that husbands are also to be loving towards their wives, which means that they are to first seek their wife's thoughts or opinions on matters before he makes a decision. A marriage is a two way street, a relationship that requires that both people "in humility each esteem [the] other as better than himself," (Philippians 2:3b) and to remember that the other person is your partner, not your employee and not your employer.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Life is a Lifelong Journey
Have you ever taken a trip? The answer is most likely yes. There are some you look back on with fondness and others that you wish had never happened.
But what about life's journey? Have you ever stopped to think about whether the life you're living is one you will look back on one day and be proud of?
Really though, think about it. Chances are that there are many things that you wish you could change...but we can't change the past. All we can do is use what we have learned from the past to make better choices in the future.
Or would you rather be one your death bed one day wishing you had done things differently? You never hear anyone say they wish they had worked more or traveled less, so spend more time with family and even with friends too, and go see the world while you still come. If you are still young, unmarried, not responsible for anyone else then you need to get your butt off of the computer and go see the world.
Now don't be stupid and drop out of school just so you can go have some adventures. You have breaks. So go spend new years eve in time square. Camp out on the streets with a bunch of friends the night before a parade or some other big event. Spend your spring break at the beach. Go to Europe for a semester to study abroad, and visit all the countries you can while you're there.
And when you fall in love, get married. Don't wait five and ten years and be in your late twenties or even your thirties when you finally decide to tie the knot. And love them with all of your being. Don't hold back. Make sure that they never go a day without knowing that you love them.
And just because you're married doesn't mean that you have to start popping out babies immediately. Give it a year or two so that you can just enjoy each other a enjoy married life.
Then, when you're ready, start a family. And don't just be around. Be fully in the lives of every one of your children from day one. Be present. Be involved. Don't smother them to resentment, but love them as much as u can. Spend time with your spouse and kids whenever you have the chance. Give up that job promotion if you can afford to, because your job will NEVER be as important as your family.
Your life is a legacy. It is a journey that you travel every day. It is a series of choices and the results of the choices made. So be careful what you choose because your life, your legacy, and your journey all depend on it.
But what about life's journey? Have you ever stopped to think about whether the life you're living is one you will look back on one day and be proud of?
Really though, think about it. Chances are that there are many things that you wish you could change...but we can't change the past. All we can do is use what we have learned from the past to make better choices in the future.
Or would you rather be one your death bed one day wishing you had done things differently? You never hear anyone say they wish they had worked more or traveled less, so spend more time with family and even with friends too, and go see the world while you still come. If you are still young, unmarried, not responsible for anyone else then you need to get your butt off of the computer and go see the world.
Now don't be stupid and drop out of school just so you can go have some adventures. You have breaks. So go spend new years eve in time square. Camp out on the streets with a bunch of friends the night before a parade or some other big event. Spend your spring break at the beach. Go to Europe for a semester to study abroad, and visit all the countries you can while you're there.
And when you fall in love, get married. Don't wait five and ten years and be in your late twenties or even your thirties when you finally decide to tie the knot. And love them with all of your being. Don't hold back. Make sure that they never go a day without knowing that you love them.
And just because you're married doesn't mean that you have to start popping out babies immediately. Give it a year or two so that you can just enjoy each other a enjoy married life.
Then, when you're ready, start a family. And don't just be around. Be fully in the lives of every one of your children from day one. Be present. Be involved. Don't smother them to resentment, but love them as much as u can. Spend time with your spouse and kids whenever you have the chance. Give up that job promotion if you can afford to, because your job will NEVER be as important as your family.
Your life is a legacy. It is a journey that you travel every day. It is a series of choices and the results of the choices made. So be careful what you choose because your life, your legacy, and your journey all depend on it.
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