We all have regrets, whether we wish we hadn't done something or we feel that we missed out on something. And we have all been told that it isn't good to dwell on those regrets. But we do it anyways. Maybe not all the time, but we do dwell on our regrets at least short periods of time. And sometimes those regrets overcome us.
Is it possible, that it's actually good to dwell sometimes? I think so. It's good to look back and reflect, to think about what we would change if we could. If I could change anything I would go back to my freshman year of high school, work my butt off to be the best athlete I could be, and instead of just playing volleyball, I would have played softball too. I would've still been home schooled, but I would have continued to play sports at my original high school, and probably would have found a way to afford to play club volleyball in the off seasons. And just maybe, I would have gone straight to a university instead of spending two years at a community college. That's really my biggest regret. I feel like I missed out on something by not living on campus my freshman year, meeting a bunch of people. And yes, I could still live in dorms next year, but why would I want to do that as a junior?
But in all honesty, there are certain things in my life now that I would never trade for these experiences I missed out on. I would never in a million years trade meeting the man I'm going to marry for my athletic career. And honestly, that's all. I would probably give up everything else, good or bad, that has taken place because of the decisions I've made.
No, I'm not throwing a pity party. I am simply deciding not to ignore the fact that life follows choice. I chose not to play volleyball anymore, to not apply to any colleges because I thought college wasn't for me, to give up on dreams and on myself. I am recognizing that I caused my life to go the way it has. No, I don't hate my life. I may greatly dislike certain things about it, but there are other things that I love even more.
I love my boyfriend, and I really liked being a nanny, and I'm now attending one of the top psychology programs in America. I have good friends, and go to a church I really like, and I'll be getting married in about 1 year.
It's okay to dwell on our regrets, as long as we also meditate on the blessings we are thankful for. Sometimes we have to look at the crap first in order to fix our vision God. We have to learn to appreciate everything that he has given us because in the blink of an eye it could all be gone. It's good to remember where we started, and all the progress we have made since. It's essential to know where we have failed, and where we have succeeded. God has great plans for us, and sometimes, that's easier to understand when we look back and see all the things that have turned out for the better. He makes all things work together for our good (Romans 8:28).
Do I wish the last 3 or 4 years of my life had gone a little differently? Sure. But I would never trade it for where my life is heading.
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