Life as a Wife

What is the role of a woman in marriage? Is she supposed to be a homemaker? Should she have a career? What's her influence on her husband? What does it mean to be submissive? What should her priority be-the home, a career, both?

Well let's take a look. First, there's Esther, a woman of strong will and GREAT humility. She did not believe herself to be the most beautiful of all the women she lived among, and certainly did not find herself to be worthy of being chosen as queen. But she was. She is a woman who ran her home well, organizing and instructing her maids. However, she was much more than a homemaker. She saved her people. She stood in the gap to save thousands of lives. And she did this through the influence she had on her husband. She was greatly admired, and he knew she was wise. Plus, the fact that he was madly in love with her didn't hurt. She had the power to change his mind. It's best stated in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants." Women, you have a HUGE influence on your husband. He admires you and you are his helpmate, which means that one of your biggest responsibilities is to help him make wise and well-informed decisions. Husbands value their wife's thoughts and opinions much more than women realize, but often it seems that they don't quite know how to seek this. So offer him your ideas, then leave it to him to make the final decision.

And what about Mary? Just try to imagine being a 14 year old virgin girl who's going to give birth to the son of God. Unmarried, pregnant, and in a land where that would give Joseph the right to stone her to death. She must be one of the single bravest women ever. Most 14 year old girls of today are worried about their make up and clothes, and would be scared to get sent to the principal's office or get suspended for misbehaving at school. I don't know a 14 year old who could handle the kind of pressure that Mary was under. Now did Mary have a career outside of the home? Not as far as we know. She must have been one fine wife and mother though, to follow her husband's instruction without question, and to trust God with her life and her future. God told Joseph to pack up and go on the run in the middle of the night, and when he told Mary, she submitted to his authority and followed his instructions. She had the courage to skip town for the sake of her family. She had the courage to be there when her son was crucified. And it's not as though she didn't know what was to happen that day. How many people do you know that would do that? And she again trusted that there was a purpose in His death, and that it would all work out for good to the glory of God.

Deborah was a prophet of the Lord, and served as judge of Israel, and not while she was single, but while she was the wife of Lapidoth. Both men and women came to her for judgment, seeking her wisdom. She commanded an army of ten thousand men. She was called by God to lead an entire nation of His people to victory over their enemy. She had told a man to follow God's instructions, but he was too scared and asked her to go with him; she had the courage to do what most wouldn't, and was also culturally taboo. She was a career woman who did as the Lord instructed her.

Do any of these women sound like the meek, fragile wives that we are so often told we should be? The church has so distorted the role of women and of wives, that our society has come to see single women as the only brave and triumphant women. But why is that? Where did the idea that women are only meant to be submissive, do the cooking and cleaning, and homeschool the kids come from? Has one verse really been taken so far out of context? In Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus he did not say for women to act weak, nor was he even describing the role of a wife. He was actually describing how a husband and wife are meant to relate to each other, speaking of the selflessness of love. In Ephesians Paul spends all of chapter 5 speaking on godly love, which should exist in every type of relationship in the church. "Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord," (v.22). "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her," (v.25). "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church," (v.28-29). As a psychology major, one big thing that I have learned is that while women seek to be loved, men seek to be respected. When Paul is telling the wives to submit to their husbands he is not saying for them to do every little thing they are told; he is telling them that they need to be respectful of their husbands and not demeaning. To submit means: to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another, or to give over or yield to the power or authority of another. It does not mean to stop thinking for yourself or to keep all thoughts on decisions to yourself. Are husbands ultimately the authority, and are his final decisions to be followed? Absolutely. But remember that husbands are also to be loving towards their wives, which means that they are to first seek their wife's thoughts or opinions on matters before he makes a decision. A marriage is a two way street, a relationship that requires that both people "in humility each esteem [the] other as better than himself," (Philippians 2:3b) and to remember that the other person is your partner, not your employee and not your employer.